segunda-feira, 2 de julho de 2007

A linha tênue

Em plena madrugada, acordei, ensopado de suor, sem saber distinguir aquilo que pensava. Parecia que eu estava entre a lembrança e a fantasia. Num primeiro momento, achei que isso fazia parte de um passado já muito perdido. Num segundo, pensei que fosse uma reminiscência de um sonho bem recente. Depois lembrei que não havia tempo em minha madrugada para sonhar. Parece que imaginei tudo.

Até agora não sei o que fiz, se sonhei ou lembrei. Depois de algum tempo não percebemos as raízes de nossas idéias. Quanto mais distantes ficamos da origem das coisas mais a confundimos, colocando nelas um pouco de nossa fantasia. Talvez, para alguém já bem envelhecido, não saber o que foi realmente vivido, a base de todo os seus pensamentos presentes, seja um grande tormento, impenetrável. Pois, ainda agora – sou um homem com pouquíssimos cabelos brancos – entro em desespero quando me ponho a lembrar de minha infância e olhar para o rosto de minha mãe com desconfiança.

Acho que vou carregar,assim como a humanidade carrega as suas histórias, esse embaralhamento de sensações e idéias. Não por minha vontade, mas porque sempre foi assim, imanente, desde todas as horas, sem a certeza de que foram reais. Talvez, na hora de minha morte – já um pouco acostumado com isso – eu não queira ter certeza de nada e, só por capricho, eu comece a brincar de sonhar com as minhas memórias e, com lágrimas nos olhos, lembrar de meus sonhos.

6 comentários:

Maíra disse...

Essa idéia sempre assustou a mim também, não temos controle do nosso destino, nunca tivemos. Mas não ter domínio também sobre as lembranças do passado é estar muito à deriva nessa tortuosa linha do tempo...

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